Beware! Swimming can help you find your true self.

Beware or be aware?

#fear #swimming #navigating #innerjourney #trust #ease #letting go

Go back to the first time you were going to swim. Whatever the age the first time you thought of entering the pool or ocean or lake or river — you hesitated — maybe you were too young and you dived in — but you probably took a moment to think about it.

You made sure you went into the shallow area first.

You tested the water — hot or cold? How did it feel?

You waited to see what would happen to the other who went in first.

Doubts assailed you — you wondered would you drown or float? What if you died and no one was there was save you? What if you embarrassed yourself? Could you trust the one saying “jump in, jump in”?

From the edge of the pool or the shoreline it looks all so easy and you think wow! This is really something – these swimmers and surfers they are having a great time — and then your doubts take over and you think you could not swim or surf like them — it must be a gift they have — but every swimmer and surfer will tell you it’s a learned skill.

Some of you might not even want to try because as much as you see the fun — you see the occasional fall and the going under water and coming up choking for breath…and you think, ‘they must be crazy — i’m not going to do that. I prefer to sit on the sidelines and watch, certainly seems safer than to engage’.

Water represents the emotional realm of who we are. We see the ease it holds but then we see the depth it carries with it. Tough life experiences shape our ability to take risks. Some of us create a safety net and we either steer clear of anything that might bring up those dark hidden memories within. Most of these memories carry the trauma of pain of some kind; and who wants to experience pain? So we might just play around but diving in, is where we draw the line. We seek safety in life; one that keeps us safe from experiencing the pain held within. However a true inner journey strips away at that safety net. We know this, we can sense it and so we are nervous and scared. We aren’t sure we want to do it — our mind tells us we won’t get out of it sane or alive. This journey can’t lead us anywhere or do anything good. The doubts cage us in like heavy snow on a driveway. We freeze ourselves to numbness, refusing to thaw to the space that will actually set us free. However you start your journey – whether you dived in or went in gradually or stayed for long on the sidelines till life pushed you in – you will at some point reach the frozen parts that need thawing. 

You dip your foot in and out till you are ready to step in. Sometimes somebody pushes you into that pool and you sink in thinking, ’this is it; i’m done — goodbye life’.

Yet somehow you float and find yourself rising to the top — you are still in panic – you begin thrashing you head goes in and out of the water — unable to breathe properly — looking for the ground to stand on or the edge to hold onto…then eventually you do find it and you just sit there shellshocked by whats happened.

Thats how the journey is at times,  you try out many things and then you might experience some incredible moments of emotional release or mental breakdowns and you might think  you are never going to be ok again — this is just too tough and rough — you are not going to get out. The darkness fills you up and you cannot see how you will breathe through this or come out of this sane again and then one day you do — you rise to the top of that experience and you take your time to gather yourself and as shellshocked as you are you are also freer having gone through it. Continue reading Beware! Swimming can help you find your true self.

Don’t Educate. Inspire to Learn: an ‘ode’ to a true teacher.

I had just started at a new school in my 9th grade. Everything was new for me at this school; the country, the environment, the curriculum, the style…it was nothing like the one I came from. I fell in love with it and somehow even at the age of 14, I knew somehow, this was a vital point in my life – a shift from what was to what could be.

Yet I didn’t expect Mr. A. He was our history teacher. Yet he hadn’t arrived. This was really out of the box for me. I had never had a teacher come tardy to school. He was 2 weeks late. We were curious to meet this teacher. He was also new at school.

He didn’t disappoint. He entered the school like a fresh breeze blowing. He was funny, easy, relaxed and very open about all aspects of his life. A bit too open if you ask me now that I am a parent.:)
Yet as 9th graders we all fell in love. Here was someone who openly spoke of challenging rules, he questioned authority, made us question everything we believed in. He taught us history like it was poetry. He turned it into the most fascinating movie we would ever experience. He talked with such depth and love for his subject. He knew it so well that no class was ever structured – we had an idea of the texts we were following but no structure of how they would be presented.

He always surprised us and took us on a journey into the past to show us what we could reflect on and absorb into our present.

The first thing he said to us in his first class, was that he wasn’t going to teach us anything other than the skills to access what we would need to know when we would need to know it.

He went beyond teaching us to educating us. Continue reading Don’t Educate. Inspire to Learn: an ‘ode’ to a true teacher.

Swinging into Balance

can u trust

Hold a pendulum in one hand, high up and tightly to any side — then let go — see its swing.

It will swing to the other end; higher possibly than the end you held it at — and then it swings back and then goes back again — and you see this furious swing till eventually it settles down and stops mid point — the point of balance.

Similarly, if you have held yourself tightly in emotional and mental structure; tightly wound up either about your beliefs or your feelings; when you let go — you are going to swing — to the other end and other extreme.

This is a very important aspect to know when you begin self work.

Lets take an example: lets say you have an issue with control.You are a control freak — the day you let go — you will crave and seek freedom — and possibly run away from all structure.

The higher and tighter the pendulum is held on one end; the more dramatic its swing to the other end.

So in your shifts and in letting go you might swing to the extreme of where you were.

It is important to remember this is just a swing. A natural occurrence of being tightly wound up on the other end.

What many of us do is when we reach the other end — we think ahh! We have changed and so we hold onto the other end believing that to be the better end.

So in this case we might say control is one end and the other end is freedom.

Grass is always greener on the other side. Well, not necessarily so.

The key here is that we were meant to shift out of the resonance of ‘control’. Now having moved to another end of the spectrum unfortunately you are still in the spectrum just another end of it. The spectrum of control is still our resonance even though it might be expressed in a manner we feel is better suited to us.

So even if we are structureless – we are still exhibiting an alternate expression of control. It is in experiencing the state of balance that we are able to neither be only controlling or only structureless. It is about embracing both aspects – knowing each has its own value and in merging the two; in bringing them together, you experience the beautiful alchemy of the two ends of the spectrum providing you its highest expression.

When you let go of both ends you begin to settle into your own balance and ease.

Now comes the disclaimer : 🙂 Continue reading Swinging into Balance

Energetic potential of your web.

Did you know that the spiders web adjusts to electrically received stimuli that enhances its ability and potential to attract and capture its prey.

The web of energy that we exude, its structure and expression does the same.

It energetically pulses out information and attracts what it is in resonance with that energetic pulsation.

A spiders web can change its form and pulsation to attract the insects it desires, and so can we.

light spider web

Our energetic web is a magnet to other similar energetic frequencies. The energy you transmit is the energy you attract.

A dense heavy web of energy is going to attract dense heavy energetic experiences.

A light fluid flowing web of energy is going to attract light filled fluid flowing experiences.

You choose the web of energy you create.

What the spider taught me about structure

Structure and Energy, teachings of the amazing Spider

We all exist within structure. Its part of what makes us who we are.

We have physical structure to begin with so we are not actually just floating atoms talking to each other telepathically; but there is form and structure in the world that we exist in.

We see similar structure in less tangible terms too — such as our individual persona which structures our reality; extending out to familial, cultural, religious, corporate, governmental structure.

Structure is a common set of rules that we apply to our lives. Sort of a one size fits all, set of controls, that overlays all that we do, think and feel.

It is rigid and heavy and dense like most of what we see around us. It stands proud and strong and unbending to any off road possibilities that might come its way. Our homes, our bodies our world and everything that we connect with, expresses this denseness at its core. At times the structure might be totally inappropriate to us or the situation but we apply it anyway because structure comes first. Structure has become a system that we are all expected to fit into whether it be how we parent, educate, work, live, love, express, pray.

Structure was the first thing I remember realising I had lost when I started my journey. Circumstances had dissolved it and I felt like I had no structure left –  whether it be  mental structure (right or wrong); emotional structure (which was erratic) or my physical reality which was in upheaval.
So though a part of me was terrified of feeling radar less and de-structured — it was also strangely and wonderfully liberating. I felt free! Completely free of any fixed form of thinking or being.

For a long time post,  I resisted all structure.

I believe in freedom. I believe in thinking free, feeling freely, expressing my truth, experiencing a life free of any filters that might limit my perceptions of it.

I saw structure as the roadblock to freedom. Freedom for me was doing whatever I wanted to – allowing my full potential to emerge and express itself. I chose a new mantra ‘go with the flow’. Move away from knowing and controlling to just flowing through life and wherever the currents would take me. I would put no framework of any kind and just wait to be taken along for the ride. Some days, I found myself going nowhere.

For how can you go anywhere if you disengage and detach from your expression of life? Where will the flow take you without direction and focus? It might never even reach you and so that waiting for the flow could turn out to be like waiting for Godot.

Realising the balance of structure and freedom was a big learning; it is not to choose one or the other but to provide your free heart the right structure to act, feel, think and express through.

Yet what then is right structure? That is what the Spider taught me.
Continue reading Structure and Energy, teachings of the amazing Spider

Everyday Magic

Even today I struggle.

As practised as I am at my self work, I still struggle with how to offer this information as a source of support to others who might benefit from what I have learnt and experienced.

Words fail me in expressing eloquently enough the infinite potential of solutions and options available to us to help us live a happier life.

When I started, I read a lot, of philosophy and conceptual thought; writings of how things are and how they should be. Broad based understandings which were so expanded, that after a point were just concepts with no real tangible application in my life.

Principle concepts and truths did come to light, yet I wondered what was the point of knowing about the universal truths on an esoteric level; if I as a individual was not able to apply and exercise them into my regular life?

Also when I read stories of those that had experienced a higher vision, perspective and even enlightenment — all their stories seemed to give them a clear sign.
Almost like a marking that ‘yes, you are the chosen one’. Most of them had a magical awakening. A call to an ashram or guru; hearing the voice of angels, masters, god; the mystical blessing of an enlightened one that shook them awake or put them into a transcendental experience and woke them up to purpose. Some of them were tagged as young children and so they grew up knowing they were special.
I had none of this. I had lived in a city, most of my life the same one I was born in. Not a magical beautiful city rather a pretty dense messed up one. I looked around for signs that would mark me as special…I wondered when my guru would call me or when would I experience something as brilliant as the third eye awakening and then just ’know it all’. Continue reading Everyday Magic

There is no one way

You are standing at the start, middle or deep into your journey.

Breathe in.
You are where you are meant to be. Whoever, whatever, wherever you are in life; it is exactly as it is meant to be. You are perfect — all is perfect. All is well.
Breathe out.

There is nothing you need to be, do or have; to get started or continue on this journey.

There are millions of people, books and stories out there that will tell you how you should start your journey, who you should be on your journey, or the parameters that gauge your growth on this journey.

I interject here to say you are essentially, ultimately a unique, free, independent, sovereign, powerful, beautiful expression of a constantly expanding source energy. You are here to live your life your way and express truth in your special unique way.

Being inspired, guided, supported, loved by others and learning from them is part of this incredible journey. Continue reading There is no one way

Healing myself

During these years of self study, discovery and work – I maintained single pointed focus on myself.

I was put/I put myself into a situation where the need for healing arose.

We are always on our journey — always. Our journey begins with our birth. The journey might be to learn just one thing that needs to be learnt — maybe patience. It might instead be one of discovery, resolution, relaxation, enjoyment, experience, healing, teaching, transmitting or transformation… Each journey eventually is a unique one though it might still fit into one of these basic moulds. Some might start a conscious journey (one that is lived consciously and in awareness) very early in life and others might never do so; most will find a combination of both spaces in their life.

You are reading this blog; hence you are either already on your journey, about to start one, or considering the possibility of doing so. The journey is wondrous and whatever form or depth it takes — it is your journey — one that will be uniquely and beautifully crafted just for you.

I started my conscious journey at a time when I was in deep mental and emotional strain. I developed a physical problem with my skin. I never really labelled it but it was an acute expression of what might be called eczema. At that time, there was no concept of natural healing or any of the incredible information and choices that exist today. The medical world told me it would never heal and I would need to reconcile with this physical disease for life. All I could do was apply high end steroid and cortisone creams to peel it away. This problem was on the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet. I felt crucified. I felt like I had been given a prison sentence with no way out and the rest of my life was going to be spent managing this condition.

Something sparked in me and I resolved within, to heal myself. I had no real understanding of what that meant and yet I couldn’t accept this situation as finality.

I could see that my physical condition had timeline wise been related to an exaggerated degree of stress that I was experiencing at that time, and so I concluded that my physical situation was a result of my emotional and mental state. Therefore, what I had to do was heal those spaces, and I would heal myself.

It was this simple logic that persuaded me to drop everything in my life and concentrate just on my self. It turned out not to be as simple as it seemed, but that simplicity and conviction as naive as it might sound today; was my biggest strength. I just believed I could and so I decided to do whatever possible to do so.

Then I found myself lost. Where would I start? Who could I go to? I did not know anyone who would agree or support this claim forget having actually experienced or done it themselves.

So I withdrew. I entreated into a cave within my heart and mind. Other than those closest and dearest to me, no-one knew of my plans or intent. I acknowledge and honour this inner circle of mine, for I know how concerned and worried they were. They did not understand what I was talking about but still supported me. They felt I should follow medical advice and did not believe that I could heal myself. Yet, they accepted my journey and that is what gave me the strength to go on. Continue reading Healing myself