i have been very familiar with the energy of doubt and the extreme paralysis that comes along with it. wondering your next step; overthinking so much that you end up doing nada. what little you do, you question it so much that you end up as miserable as you were when you were not doing anything.
having spent so much time with this expression of energy i came to understand it deeply. it is the right hand of the ecosystem of fear. doubt is akin to shattered/broken glass. something in your life (known or unknown) caused you to believe in pain and fear. this is supported by a conviction that things are not going to work out, that you need to be in control of everything. the need for control is a defensive/protective response that comes from a need to protect yourself. i am alone, no one else understands or will take care of me and so i have to do it all on my own and the walls of defence are built and we begin to exist with an ecosystem of fear. panic is extreme doubt and fear. we are so broken like the glass you see in the picture below that we are splayed everywhere – we are in pieces and we exist as small pieces, in isolation and separation. we feel scattered, disjointed, disconnected and don’t really know where we belong and what that even means.
the great thing about energy is that it can never be destroyed – it can only be transformed. so just as you have these bucket loads and never ending wells within you filled with doubt and fear – that same energy that same quantum can one day be experienced in its other forms – that of trust and love.
love is like a gravitational force that pulls all our scattered bits together and is only intent on healing and fixing it and trust is the glue that holds it all back together fusing them so well that over time the cracks and the lines disappear and it becomes whole again.
trust is like the branches and leaves you see in the pic below that find their way to you – for you to grab onto and hold on. the only antidote to the venom of doubt is trust. find small pockets, leaves, branches that you can jump onto and hold onto. these are the experiences that enable, encourage and grow trust within you. do it small.
take it slow – every day make the intent to recognise your fear and to do the smallest thing possible that is reflective of a state of trust.
eventually a garden of delight will grow within you and it will be of your choosing.
as difficult and impossible it might seem to you now – just trust the words of one who has been there – hold on to that branch today. leap onto a little leaf of trust – small big doesn’t matter. do it everyday. take each day as it comes and focus on just what you can do today.
As u take it one at a time, eventually the vine of trust and love will root in strongly, powerfully and you will experience that transformation within and without.
with deep love…