Sometimes when we are working on our selves we come up against something big. Something about ourself, which is difficult for us to comprehend, that try as we might we might not be able to work through it. A part of us that says this is no longer a truth, it is no longer useful to me it needs to leave and I need to go beyond it.
I am someone who is very eager to work on self and make the changes and shifts required. I understand what truth is and so I am able to see that which stands in the way of it. Today, I face a part of me that I understand doesn’t serve me; but I can do nothing about. It just is what it is. I see how it affects my growth, I see how it stands in the way of my intentioned space of living and yet I know I can’t change it.
The many tools at my disposal, all the understanding, wisdom gained so far; none of it is going to shift this.
Thats when you realise that sometimes you can participate in the letting go; sometimes you can be part of the process and intend it and make those shifts and corrections within yourself.
Sometimes you have to just let go of letting go.
You recognise that space within you and you see it for what it is – you clearly and loudly announce to yourself; to that space within you that you see it – you have REAL EYESD/ realised (thanks eva) it.
Anger, frustration, grief all come up together tied up in knots; helplessness at this sudden force that seems such a wall that you don’t know what to do anymore and you have two choices. You can either give in and give that wall, that block, that untruth your power by admitting it is stronger than you and so you continue to pander to it. Or you can go beyond.
You can say well I’m not going to fight you anymore – I’m not going to accept you anymore – I am just going to carry on my day and lets just see what happens. I let go of fixing you and healing you and shifting you and changing you. The one thing I am clear though, is that I am not going to be run by you or in turn feed you.
Is this surrender?
If so, it feels good — it feels like I don’t need to be that part anymore, and I don’t need to fix that part anymore. I am choosing to carry on living my life with or without you; it matters not.
All this time I have pandered to your every desire and move, and now no longer shall it be my truth. So goodbye I detach from you and I live on. I trust there is more. I trust that life will take care of me and show me the deeper truth that lies within me. I have come to see beauty and life and peace and ease and sometimes you jump up to detract me from all of that and now I say enough. Thank you very much. Off I go; somedays you might still win; but I can safely say, that now I am way past you that held sway till today.