Even today I struggle.
As practised as I am at my self work, I still struggle with how to offer this information as a source of support to others who might benefit from what I have learnt and experienced.
Words fail me in expressing eloquently enough the infinite potential of solutions and options available to us to help us live a happier life.
When I started, I read a lot, of philosophy and conceptual thought; writings of how things are and how they should be. Broad based understandings which were so expanded, that after a point were just concepts with no real tangible application in my life.
Principle concepts and truths did come to light, yet I wondered what was the point of knowing about the universal truths on an esoteric level; if I as a individual was not able to apply and exercise them into my regular life?
Also when I read stories of those that had experienced a higher vision, perspective and even enlightenment — all their stories seemed to give them a clear sign.
Almost like a marking that ‘yes, you are the chosen one’. Most of them had a magical awakening. A call to an ashram or guru; hearing the voice of angels, masters, god; the mystical blessing of an enlightened one that shook them awake or put them into a transcendental experience and woke them up to purpose. Some of them were tagged as young children and so they grew up knowing they were special.
I had none of this. I had lived in a city, most of my life the same one I was born in. Not a magical beautiful city rather a pretty dense messed up one. I looked around for signs that would mark me as special…I wondered when my guru would call me or when would I experience something as brilliant as the third eye awakening and then just ’know it all’.
Uhmm hmmm – nada!
I felt a sense of disregard by these masters and gurus, I wondered whether there was any point to my seeking if anyway I wasn’t really going to get anywhere. I plodded on however; and yet spent many a day in the dejected notion that I was probably chasing a pipe dream.
After trying out many solutions I eventually couldn’t read anymore.
I began to see that something else was working for me.
I found that my way seemed to be from inside – out.
It seemed that every time I engaged with my everyday life, and looked into my immediate space of living and engagement; and applied the same principle I used for healing myself, things would change.
I would find that I could create tangible or subtle changes within me and I would see this create change in my immediate environment.
I streamlined my focus.
I realised instead of leaving life to learn how to life life – I could enter my every day life and allow it to teach me its philosophy.
I no longer desired conceptual knowledge but tangible understanding.
My reality was that I was committed to the love of my life, I had my parents close by, and a life that I was engaged in.
Within this same dense messed up city, I was seeking a merger with the deepest part of my inner space – my soul.
A paradox maybe, but could it be possible?
I felt a different charge. The charge of possibility. The excitement of a challenge. The desire to know.
My immediate goals were for me to live my everyday life to the best of my ability and potential, everyday.
The journey had begun.