Healing myself

During these years of self study, discovery and work – I maintained single pointed focus on myself.

I was put/I put myself into a situation where the need for healing arose.

We are always on our journey — always. Our journey begins with our birth. The journey might be to learn just one thing that needs to be learnt — maybe patience. It might instead be one of discovery, resolution, relaxation, enjoyment, experience, healing, teaching, transmitting or transformation… Each journey eventually is a unique one though it might still fit into one of these basic moulds. Some might start a conscious journey (one that is lived consciously and in awareness) very early in life and others might never do so; most will find a combination of both spaces in their life.

You are reading this blog; hence you are either already on your journey, about to start one, or considering the possibility of doing so. The journey is wondrous and whatever form or depth it takes — it is your journey — one that will be uniquely and beautifully crafted just for you.

I started my conscious journey at a time when I was in deep mental and emotional strain. I developed a physical problem with my skin. I never really labelled it but it was an acute expression of what might be called eczema. At that time, there was no concept of natural healing or any of the incredible information and choices that exist today. The medical world told me it would never heal and I would need to reconcile with this physical disease for life. All I could do was apply high end steroid and cortisone creams to peel it away. This problem was on the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet. I felt crucified. I felt like I had been given a prison sentence with no way out and the rest of my life was going to be spent managing this condition.

Something sparked in me and I resolved within, to heal myself. I had no real understanding of what that meant and yet I couldn’t accept this situation as finality.

I could see that my physical condition had timeline wise been related to an exaggerated degree of stress that I was experiencing at that time, and so I concluded that my physical situation was a result of my emotional and mental state. Therefore, what I had to do was heal those spaces, and I would heal myself.

It was this simple logic that persuaded me to drop everything in my life and concentrate just on my self. It turned out not to be as simple as it seemed, but that simplicity and conviction as naive as it might sound today; was my biggest strength. I just believed I could and so I decided to do whatever possible to do so.

Then I found myself lost. Where would I start? Who could I go to? I did not know anyone who would agree or support this claim forget having actually experienced or done it themselves.

So I withdrew. I entreated into a cave within my heart and mind. Other than those closest and dearest to me, no-one knew of my plans or intent. I acknowledge and honour this inner circle of mine, for I know how concerned and worried they were. They did not understand what I was talking about but still supported me. They felt I should follow medical advice and did not believe that I could heal myself. Yet, they accepted my journey and that is what gave me the strength to go on.

All I could do at the beginning of this journey was implore God, Universe, Energy to help me as I set a clear intention of ‘healing myself’.

I asked around, picked up all the books I possibly could on metaphysical healing and without doubt I must acknowledge the incredible work of Louise L. Hay and her book “How to heal your life”. This book offered me a grounding and a basis to start off and changed my life. It is a highly renowned book today and a must-have on anyones bookshelves. At that time, metaphysical healing, self help books just about filled a row in minor section of any bookshop, that too if at all. In a way, I am glad because I did not have much of a choice, which sometimes can become a bigger liability than we realise.

I would like to say this book found me and bit by bit so did other things. Initially I treated this mission of mine as my job, and I took my work very seriously. I read up as much as I could, I researched and searched for people who were into energy healing within my city, I followed any lead I got, I attended all the workshops I possibly could, I googled and googled and googled.

I met some wonderful guides along the way, some modalities fascinated me and others just didn’t work. Some people spoke in a way that caressed my soul, and others just didn’t connect. I learnt a lot, while also learning discernment. I began to understand what worked for me and what didn’t. No matter how well presented or qualified someone was or how impressive their work, if I couldn’t apply it to my life or see any tangible change — I moved on.

I went deeper and deeper into this invisible cave. Invisible to others but highly powerful and valuable to me. I spent all my time looking within, connecting dots, writing. Writing for me is my best friend, my confidante, my guide. I would write till my fingers ached — and I would go on till I knew I had actually understood another little part of myself. Along with writing my other biggest support tool was Honesty. I was deeply, glaringly, demandingly, unforgivingly honest with myself. I did not have to be to any one else. This was my world, my work, my healing and I was not going to muck around with it.

I was lucky to come across 2 wonderful guides, teachers, soul friends who became my foundational support in my journey. Ellaeenah and Sohrab; both of whom are great teachers and more importantly have the purest hearts. Their intention to receive messages from the Light was beyond criticism. They both were unfailingly honest about their own journeys, and their constant growth. They never projected themselves to be anything other than just someone who had been called to serve the Light and they had shown up and did the very best they could. They still serve and have grown into remarkable guides and teachers; constantly growing and healing themselves — never having arrived — always further to go. I admired their honesty, their ease and most importantly the lightness they brought to this work.

Life in many ways took care of me — beyond what I could imagine. Life will take care of you too. We don’t have to plan every minute of our journey or be highly concerned with how it will play out and whether it will play out or not. You just have to show up and set your intention and do the work.

Soon enough, I began to see changes. I felt lighter and happier every time I felt I had changed something or let something go. This feeling converted into a knowing when I saw the physical impact of that inner work. Bit by bit, my skin began to heal. There was absolutely no medical intervention or herbal application or natural remedy of any kind involved. It was just mental and emotional healing. It worked. Within a few years, I was completely healed of any sign of skin disease. It went from severely acute to completely healed, and has stayed ever since.

I was hooked. Seeing physical change like that was incredible. Yet, it was just the starting of my journey.

As I mentioned above, we all have a different journey laid out that we have chosen for ourselves. My journey was one of complete transformation — complete. Physical healing was just a drop in my ocean of work that was yet to come.

For the past 10 odd years I have lived on dual ground. Outwardly I have lived life completely and fabulously; and yet I have always had this inner switch turned on. A switch that is constantly observing myself and my world, receiving stimuli and understanding every core of my being — every emotion, thought and relating them to each other. Seeing my physical reality as one that is a reflection of my inner world. Anytime I see any form of imbalance I go within to seek answers; look for what needs to be assimilated and corrected and then wait to see that reflected back into my outer world.

It hasn’t been easy _ but it has been worth every minute of it. I have come to love this process so much that today I cannot separate it from who I am.

That is where my worlds meet today. For a long time I kept them separate — my regular everyday world and my deep reflective inner world. I would have the ability to retreat into my cave of awareness even if I was at a party. I began to refine my process so much, that there was nothing but the process left.

It would be remiss for me to not bring to light that life is constantly bringing us the lessons we need to learn and shift within. I have had my share of extreme lessons — some that catapulted me into deep darkness and into the depths of the shadows of my being. Just when I thought, I had achieved a great deal – I was pushed into one of my life’s toughest lessons — one that shook me to the core of my existence and at the same time questioned whether I could apply all that I had learnt in the years before.

The work isn’t finished. It is ongoing — constantly. In the last few months; I have felt like I have been going through a finishing school of sorts — or rather the last stage of a manufacturing factory — where all the individual parts are fitted together — the useless parts let go of and the polishing, painting, scrubbing, shining of who I am so that I can step out of this cave I have been in and Shine On.

At this point I would like to introduce to you Eva, an angel I have recently met — who with her deep inner wisdom and balance and ease has taken me through the final touchings of a long and intense journey. I am grateful for her incredible work that comes along with comfort, support and friendship.

This is in no way a sufficient expression of the incredible people, books, sites, energies — known and unknown that have prodded, scared, pushed, poked, supported, loved, intimidated, indulged me. All towards one goal – healing myself.

Someday I shall share these intimate lessons with you, but it goes beyond that. What matters is understanding in some degree the theory that this teaching brings with it; the processes that come along with it and the tools that can support you through it.

This is what the following posts will do — they will look at it from theory, application, practical examples, tools and eventually what is the truth of it all?

I cannot claim to know it all. I can only share what I have experienced and what I have seen work for me. My path/journey is only one of the many paths that exist. The destination/learnings that come from it though are common to all paths. My interpretation and experience of them are the flavour I bring to you and I hope I am able to do so simply and eloquently enough.

I have seen myself and I know myself.

I have changed and transformed completely from who I was when I started this journey, to who I am today.

I accept and love who I was, who I am and look forward to who I shall be.

heart wings

5 thoughts on “Healing myself

  1. Pingback: Hi I’m back! :) | energeetikally

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